Monday, January 25, 2010

26hb jan..

celik je mata, ape lagi.. mcm bese, mengeliat sane sni la aku.. mcm ular kelaparan pn ade.. huhuh TAPI.. pas aku tgk jam.. ya ampun.. aku lambat bgn!! argh.. baru psang niat nk buka buku baru.. now da kol 10 br bgn.. nk g kje kol bpe.. ni bkn comp bapak aku!! eyda eyda... terasa nk g kje lak pas lunch.. dok umah ni pn bukan ley wat pe.. nk ajak borak? harammmm... nk ajak bergurau pn.. harammmm.. smbil2 tgu jam 12 aku berfacebook lagi la! hahaha.. walauun aku sdar, aku da xde kwn rmi cm dlu.. aku pasrah je la.. sejak menjak aku berubah ni.. aku cm xde kwn da, sgt pasif.. cm org gile pon ade! huhhhhh!!

sayang itu sakit!!

25hb jan..
hati aku berkobar2 nk g kje..
padahal 2 mgu da xjejak kaki ke opis tuh! mulanye aku rasa cm nk benti kje je.. aku da xlarat da. difikirkan tanggunggan aku yg sgt byk.. pasrah lagi la.. bgn seawal 6 pagi.. smpt jgak aku bukak sjadah menghadap tuhan.. diharapkan arini permulaan segalanye.. aku nk buka buku baru~

sesampai nye aku di opis jam baru je kol 8.20.. slalunye kol 9 aku sampai opis.. huhuh smangat tp kejap je.. da xtaw nk wat pe da.. staff sume pn da nek lemak. kol 9lbh br smpi.. penamatnye aku mngu keje smbil berfacebook.. hahaha~ baru rs nk pasang azam xmo on facebooking ni.. terpaksa..

tepat 6 petang, aku siapkan sume kje.. staff aku sorg ni sharp 6tepat.. mula gelabah ajak blk. siap da off komp da.. aku pn apelagi.. sepantas kilatnye.. zuuuupp!! tp mngu bas yg xbes ni.. lame xnek xreti lak harga die n bas ape nk nek.. tp alhmdulilah, ats jasa baik staff merangkap junior ni aku dihantar olehnye ke lrt berkaitan.. on sajela~ bkn sesape.. hahahah

sampai da aku kat msjid jamek.. terkumat kamit mulut aku membebel, org asek tgk2 aku je.. takutnye~ stay steady! dgn konfidennye aku, berjalan la smpi kat dtaran.. tup.. tup.. die call mrh2.. aku tekjut! aku mood ala2 3/4 happy, trus dia mrh2... mmg la aku xtaw jln.. mmg la aku memandai2.. sbb die ckp die agak bz.. aku nk kcu watpe.. kang aku kene mrh.. tp mungkin da mmg tersurat aku kene mrh arini, aku tetap kene mrh.. ntahla~ slh aku ke? aku hnye nk cr kete aku sdiri,.. die ngah bz.. aku ckp xphm! aku slh jln.. aku juga yg slah.. airmta ni asek2 nk kuar.. sebaldi jgak la kuar td.. aksi yg aku xske pn ade.. die picit tgn aku n gado ngn aku dkt tmpt die ni.. ape org ckp kang, org nmpk die ok je.. die ley tersenyum je lg td.. ntahla.. aku rs penat yg amat.. penat syg org, tp aku sdiri asek memendam ati.. berperang ngn perasaan, kebahagiaan yg ku minta slama ni mmg ade dpn mata aku.. tersgt2 aku syg.. tp ati aku slalu berperang sesama sendiri... sayang itu sgt sakit.. lebih skt dr dibunuh.. sakit yg berpanjangan.. aku xtawla ape aku nk wt lg.. aku ke yg berslh.?? aku pinta kebahgiaan n kesenangan berhubungan sesama manusia tp aku dpt pakej.. Tuhan maha mengetahui segalanya.. aku xmampu nk ubah ketentuannya.. kalo benar die untukku... tunjukkanlah!! aku da xsanggup bermain hati lagi.. da penat ngn sume ni

Friday, January 22, 2010

sedihnye..

da lame aku xmenyinggah ke blog ni,
sjak peristiwa itu..
mne nk start dlu ye,,

22hb jan..
mgu ni mgu bahgia aku, aku rs ckp gembira wlupun sesak sane sni..
msk arini da 2mgu aku cuti bergaji,naek lemak lak rasanye. nk wat cmne cuti yg diberi xdiminta pon.
dlm kegembiraan aku, pastu dtg satu malapetaka.. CINCIN aku hilang..!! cincin plg berharga pd aku. Walaupun bkn berharga ribuan ringgit tp kehilangannye ckp memeritkan rasa ati.. cincin itula mulanya kisah kami. knapelah bley hlang :( .. xmgkin aku cuai. mgu ni aku xbukak lgsg cincin itu, cncin tu je la peneman setia aku.. die je yg lbh setia dr manusia lain..

da la cincin hilang, bergado lagi.. aku hnye terasa hati, nk aku luahkan.. aku da luahkan. ntahla.. aku redha jela.. mmg aku yg silap xmemahami.. aku bkn org yg setia mendengar, memahami serta xley bantu pape. i'm useless..


23hb jan..
pagi2 lagi aku da bgn seawal 6.00am.. aku sdar stlah 1 msg dtrime dr die..aku hnye mnyepi.. die perlukan ruang dirinye.. biarla, biarla die agp aku tdo.. xlena aku tdo smlm, termimpikan cincin kesayangn aku tu.. mne la die mghilang.. kosong da jari2 aku tnpa sbnetuk cincin pn.. hmm.

Aku kjutkan abg aku, katanya ari sabtu die trpaksa wt klas ganti tuk raya cina nnti.. trus aku tunaikan solat subuh.. sgar rsnye. sesudah tu aku truskan dgn solat taubat. mcm2 aku wat dosa mgu ni.. mgkin rezki yg masuk xpnah ckp.. siap solat trus aku sediakn sarapn utk abg aku. kesian die.. ns grg, ikan bilis grg, kopok n udang grg cili.. beselera sguh die.. bilala abg aku sorg ni kawen.. hai.. pasti aku lak sunyi..aku sdiri pn xnmpk ade ke jodoh tuk aku.. nk ke ati aku trima ati lelaki lain selain die.. biarla rahsia~

seawal 11.00am aku kjtkan die, ade meeting di fac die arini.. aku bersiap trus begegas ke umah nye.. dan pasti, die xsiaplg.. msh mnghandap laptop kesygnnye.. dan aku xbyk ckp..sbb xperlu. biarla die g berbicara.. pnat rsnye, bila kite mula berbicara, kmudian pertengkaran yg mgundang.. hurm.. hnye tersenyum dan trus tersenyum~

ya Allah, blk air umh aku da cm toilet awm lak.. trk n busuk! ape pnye housemate~ pemalas!! cmne la dorg ley hidup n mndi dgn sne sni cmni.. aduhai, apelagi operasi sental mnyental la! lgpun bila aku sedih, marah, benci or nanges.. toilet ni la jg mgsa bebelan aku.. hahahah.. die hnye mampu mndegar dan pantulan blk bebelan aku.. asalkan aku bhgia..

skang tepat kol 4.. hp plak dlm kete.. kini dok je la dlm umh ..
arini aku nk blk umah k.long cepat.. byk keje lom siap.. bj2 tu xlipat lagi.. cadar xbsh aduhai..!! masak aku


Friday, November 20, 2009

pasrah dan redha atas ketentuanNya

xsangka aku laluinya lagi.. yang pasti aku pasrah, die bukan milikku lagi, da pengakuannya cukup parah hati ini nak hadapi.. dan akulah yg paling bersalah dlm hubungan.. maafkan aku, aku bukan ppuan yg ko impikan slama ni. aku pasrah, redha atas semua ketentuan dan kemahuan kau. pasti itu jalan terbaik utk kite.. sepatutnye aku sedar sblm ini terjadi, dan kau xperlu hipokrit utk trima ati ini.. dsbbkan desakan aku juga ko menerima dan menolak ati ini.. akhirnye ianya terjadi lagi.. tp kini lebih parah.. aku persembahkan hati, tapi kau beralih arah memandang yang lain. hahah.. cukup besar ujian yg kau beri, hampir aku lupe tanggungjawab aku sbg anak juga khalifah Allah.

aku xsalahkan kau, mungkin semua ini sudah tertulis, dan mungkin ini hanya ujian kecil dariNya.. Aku berterima kasih pada kau kerana sehingga kini kau masih menjaga aku, hati aku sedangkan hati kau suda beralih pada perempuan itu.. aku minta maaf kerana telah mencampuri urusan kau dan perempuan itu.. jika tidak kau pasti berbahagia.. dan aku redha kalo itu ketentuanNya. tapi kini sudah terlambat, die sendiri malu n bersalah kerana wujud antara kita.. Ntahla, bile aku tau kau berani meluahkan rasa hati pd ppuan itu, aku tergamam.. sehingga aku rasa mau pergi jauh dr sini.. dan pastinya MATI. cukup cetek pemikran aku masa itu hanya aku aku je tau.. pedih perit sedih.. semua ada.

kini, aku cuba untuk mencari kebahagiaan aku sendiri.. bkn dengan sesape tp dri sdiri.. mungkin aku xbersedia bersama sesiapa atau mungkin aku tidak lagi percaya dengan orang bernama LELAKI.. tidak sewenang2nya aku meluahkan rasa.. dan semestinya biarlah die terima aku seadanya.. tidak perlu aku berubah sebegni rupa dan akhirnye, aku terpaksa lepaskan die lagi..

''Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati padahal kamulah orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman..''

Surah Al-Imran
ayat 139


insyaAllah

Thursday, August 20, 2009

tagging~

1. Apakah benda terakhir yang kamu beli dengan wang sendiri??
-mcd set lunch

2. Apakah bende paling penting dlm hidup kamu?
- diri aku+family+die~

3. Dimanakah tempat impian perkahwinan kamu??
- apa tu kawen??

4. Berapa lama hubungan kamu berkekalan?
-forever mungkin!

5. Adakah anda sedang dilamun cinta??
- cant describe

6. Dimanakah restoran terakhir kamu makan malam??
- pakya.. dpn umah

7. Namakan buku terakhir yang kamu beli?
- dara.com

8. Apakah nama penuh kamu??
- rasyidatul karmilah sumari

9. Kamu lebih senang dengan ayah atau mak??
- ayah

10. Namakan seseorang yang ingin kamu jumpa dalam hidup kamu buat pertama kalinya??
- nurul zakiah (bezfwen masa sek kat gelang patah)

11. Sebutkan 8 nama sahabat yang paling rapat dengan kamu.
- shu,nana, amy,patiha,syida,skin,.......

12. Adakah kamu mencuci pakaian sendiri??
- mistila tidak! ape gune bli mesin basuh

13. Tempat yang paling seronok yang kamu mahu pergi?
- Pulau Sipadan n syurga!!

14. Butirkan 5 perkara tentang orang yang tag kamu..
- ntah

15. 8 perkara yang amat saya gilai??
- baju
- kasut
- tudung
- keter
- bisnes n duit
- sinchan (sume ttg nye)
- facebook
- designing....

16. Pelukan atau ciuman??
- kalo boleh 2-2. aku tamak

17. 8 perkataan yang sering diucapkan??
- busuk

- poyo
- sengal
- pukimak
- xtaw
- ntah
- aku akan berubah
- aku ppuan kuat

18. 8 buah buku yang paling baru di baca??-
-sinchan
-dara.com
-wanita
-nur
-seribu kali sayang
-i miss u
-flying kiss
- goodbye darl

19. 8 lagu yang saya boleh dengar berulang kali??
-aku mau
-sempurna
-my all ,mariah carey
-what girl want, miley cyrus
-kotak
-paramoe
-dunia batinku
-dan sebenarnye yuna


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

5 Reasons Why Couples FIGHT... and BREAK UP


No, I'm no LOVE guru, hardly am close to one, but over the last week or so, I've encountered friends of mine, either having HUGEASS arguments with their partners leading to MAKE UPs or, unfortunately BREAK UPs.



And I've spent a huge portion of my time, lamenting at the outcome of their fights, and wondering why people just can't seem to solve their differences. - if they claim their love for each other is as deep as the valleys.

1) Misaligned expectations
I remember distinctly with my first boyfriend, we used to fight because I felt I spent too little time with him. He used to like hanging out with his guy friends over me (or so I thought, but hey I was right OK). As a result, I felt neglected and hated playing 2nd fiddle to his friends. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hated hanging out with his friends or anything, but it's just he very neatly dichotomized "me" time and "guy friends" time. There was no intersection, whatsoever. Thus since I always expected to spend #XX days with this fella a week, I would end up spending only #XX-Y time with him, which fueled my frustrations and when I vented it out, he would get upset and distance himself. He reasoned that I should not demand for that much of his time.... Thus the slow decomposition of our relationship -- he really broke my (very fragile) heart. But alas, first love is always the most memorable right?

Lesson Learnt: Set expectations right concerning things which matter
If you're unhappy about spending insufficient time with someone, set things straight. For example, I find setting a schedule formal but very effective. Say for example, make things clear like "Will it be OK if we spend every SAT and FRI evening together and the rest of the time, we can plan on the fly?" This ensures that your expectations are in sync and if one needs to back out before hand, it is common courtesy to give advance warning (instead of pulling out last minute)...

2) Different LOVE languages
I commonly hear girls saying, "He NEVER buys me anything... he's so cheapskate. I don't think he loves me anymore". Now dear dear, I pretty much laugh at that! What she doesn't see is the fact he drives her around and picks her up from work and always hugs her and kiss her!

Lesson Learnt: Understand your partner's LOVE language
Chapman's 5 love languages include: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. Different people show love and expect love to be showed in different ways. And because of point #1, misaligned expectations, we expect our partners to show love the way we THINK love should be shown. Very often, we are different, so understanding someone else's love language can go along way...

E.g., My father is not a gift person but he is an acts of service person to my mom, and my mom is a gifts person - they've been married for almost 30 yrs!



3) Unwillingness to Compromise
Admittedly, this is a huge issue for me. People tell em I'm stubborn and hell yeah I am. I like to say what I like and I like what I say (tongue twister hey?) Many of my fights have started and brewed because of an unwillingness for either party to back down and admit their fault. (many times both of them are wrong).

Lesson Learnt: Don't force your opinions down someone else's throat
There is such a thing as "ageeing to disagree". I know, I know, it sounds so oxymoronic, but that's what it exactly means. Differences in opinions may never converge but perhaps, convergence is not the main aim. Maybe what would be a more plausible solution is to respect what the other person is saying and think of a second what the other person means. Then try to integrate some parts of it into your own viewpoint. You don't have to swallow everything, that's not compromise! Oh yes, saying sorry often helps.

Sometimes I often apologize for having the fight escalating to a certain level, so I apologize for the fight ensueing but give no apology for the reasont he fight started. So far that has never worked before though, haha someone help?



4) Lack of communication (Assumptions)
"I thought you would understand my actions", "I thought you knew me better than that", "I though you would know that I was feeling that way" FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. The men do not get it. They do not know or understand -- stop assuming they do.

Lesson Learnt: TALK, TALK, TALK (speak up, dammit)
They just don't. Men, unlike women, need things spelt out for them. Don't expect them to be extra sweet because you think they know you had a bad day at work. Men DO NOT have ANTENNA of any sort. In fact, if you want something, ask for it. If you expect anything, tell him. Please, don't be such a goondo and get your heart broken due to assumptions. Men's brains aren't hardwired to predict the future a.k.a more often then not they are insensitive... (there I said it, no reproach pls!)

Sometimes females just need to S-P-E-L-L T-H-I-N-G-S O-U-T!!!


5) Lack of LAUGHS
Do you know that the hormone "oxytocin" gets produced everytime we hahahaahahehehahaha? Yes that's right. It's the hormone implicated for the bonding between a child and a mother during breastfeeding. Oxytocin helps to create a bond and increase love between 2 people. Indeed, yes it is also the hormone that causes an orgasm in females. So throw that vibrator away and start watching comedies -- I swear by "Kids says the darndest things", "Just for laughs", and the very old school "Friends" and "Seinfield".

Lesson Learnt: Learn to laugh at the simplest things
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away. Yeap, you don't need an apple anymore if you begin to laugh at yourself, and the both of you. You'll never realise how silly things can get once you start thinking about things.

Happy HAHA-ING! Here's wishing you couples success in whatever you endeavour! CHEERS!

Monday, August 17, 2009

arghhh... tensennye~

arini sgt2 memenatkan sguh.. alhamdulilah aku masih kembali ke dunia ini.. teruskan kehidupan mcm biasa.. keje, keje, keje... ~ sesampai di ofis aku sgt2 teruja actually, da lame xrase cm ni.. dulu pnah rasa masa excted nk kje je.. pas staun pudar da..
yelah... ape yg diharapkan xdpt.. hehe xde vacation, holiday pn kat ofis, gathering lagi la... hai~ now, smangat da kmbali pulih stelah sdar impian masih belum lagi tercapai.. smpaikan time makan lunch pn aku lupe.. sgt2 ikhlas buat keje.. tp paling menyakitkan plak bile boss bg keje yg begitu rush... naikkan 3d sketchup detail 1 rumah utk 2 n 1/2 tingkat dlm kurang dari 5jam... mmg xley nk pndg kiri kanan la.. berkelap kelip skype aku.. (tanda gurl gosiping dr ofismate aku huiting la.. maklumla staff comp tu hanya ada aku n huiting) xmenyempat aku nk reply, berkerut2 muka huititng bila xdilayan... heheheheh~ akhirnya tepat pukul siapla 3d aku.. bangga nye aku dpt siapkan 3d sepantas itu... har har har~ tp sepantas mana pn aku, aku still org last kene tutup sume komp n ofs sbb huiting da cabut awal majuk ngn aku.. heheheh (padahal die da siap keje pn~)

hujan renyai2.. kompom jammed! lagi 1 perkara memenatkan.. kereta aku ni manual lak.. nasib badan la.. baru adil kot.. td penat tangan n badan.. now, kaki n mata lak amik shift.. kekadang aku pelik knape asal ujan n eksiden je jammed~ isk isk.. nk jadikan citer dari aku kuar ofs kol 6.15, sampai umah da kol 8 da.. hai~ sgt memenatkan.. tonite, nk amek kekanda ku pulang dari keje.. last2 syp je~ geramnye... punyala tunggu.. last2 ckp blk ngn membe.. hurm... nasib la badan.. badan pun da sengal2 so, ape lagi... membuta la.. hope esk hari indah utk aku.. keje dgn semangatnye... nyte ~xoxo~